Glitz’s Run-In with the FBI

Flashback Friday!

My sister brought up a fun memory after reading “Blowout,” which is the inspiration for this post. You can thank her later ☺ I am hoping to have this posted by midnight, so it will qualify for Flashback Friday, so I am on the clock!

I am going to tell you a story about young Glitz’s run-in with the FBI… The year was 2004 and I was 21-years-old. I drove an emerald green 1995 GMC Jimmy that I named Jeanine (every car I own has a name, btw). I loved Jeanine. She was 2-door, sassy, had neon runners, and an awesome sound system equipped with a 5-disc CD changer. Oh, yes. I was bad ass. I was running an errand to the local post-office and it was gorgeous fall afternoon, my absolute favorite time of the year. I’m in my own glitzy world, my windows are down, and I decide I need some Britney in my life. Her album, “In the Zone,” was just released and I was truly addicted. So I am messing with the CD-changer, wearing my big sunglasses, and then it happens. I smash into the car in front of me. Oops.

Thankfully, I was on a city street, so I wasn’t going too fast. The seat belt somewhat hurt my collarbone, but I wasn’t injured; I was however in a lot of shock from the impact. I ran into a 4-door sedan of some sort and I see the driver approaching my car, so I knew he wasn’t injured as well. He helps me out of Jeanine and he can tell I am shaken up. Maybe it was the catatonic expression and my rapid breathing, but he knew instantly I was a hot mess. He starts to help me settle down by saying things like, “hey we are okay; it was just a little fender bender (direct quote), no need to panic.” He leads me over to the curb and I sit down, compose myself, and we start handling the matter. After a few moments I start retrieving my insurance information and driver’s license. He is on his cell phone, standing several yards away. I wait for him to get off the phone in my driver’s seat; I have already hit his car, so I didn’t see eavesdropping helping the matter any. He eventually comes back over, and tells me that “it will be just a minute.” A minute for what? I’m new to this whole auto-accident world, so I don’t know what to expect. I just say “okay” and we wait there…in silence…really awkwardly. And then, more happens.

We are suddenly being swarmed by three cop cars, lights and sirens going full speed. I instantly become a deer-in-headlights and think:

1.    Is this normal? This never happens on Law and Order SVU…are Stabler and Benson coming too?!

2.    Do I need a lawyer?!

3.    Don’t I get I phone call? I want my mom, but then again she is going to be pissed, so I’ll call the lawyer…

4.    Am I allowed to ask questions? Does that count as a question?!

5.    Okay, I really want my mom over the lawyer.

I am more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles at this point. The officers get out their cars – armed – and begin to approach me and this man, who I thought was the nicest person just a few moments ago, but now I am beginning to question my judgment of character. He waves to these officers…I on the other hand refuse to take my hands off the standard “10-and-2” position on my steering wheel. I’m leaving these hands in plain sight with no sudden movements. Everyone starts talking and he starts explaining the situation. The officers are looking at me while he talks (suspiciously, I note) and they keep nodding in agreement with whatever he is saying.  They break apart and half of the officers begin evaluating his car and the other half begins evaluating my car.

By “evaluating,” I mean they brought out special little mirrors to check underneath Jeanine for bombs (I assume) and then my favorite part happened! Here comes the K9 to check for “illegal substances” in the car and of course on me! Most of you don’t know, but I am afraid of large dogs, especially the drug sniffing kind, because they have zero respect for my personal boundaries.  I start freaking out when the dog approaches me, which doesn’t help my “I’m just a Britney loving, big sunglass wearing, typical bad female driver” defense. Thankfully, all the other “searches” were coming up empty handed, so they all decided perhaps the drug dog sniff down wasn’t needed. After a few more moments, the majority of the officers leave and it’s just me, whoever this other guy is (I’m getting there…), and one other officer.

The officer is in the process of writing me a well-deserved ticket and the three of us are standing behind my car. He notices a window sticker I had displayed proudly…it was the black “W. The President” sticker (George W. Bush was just elected a few weeks prior to this little love pat between Jeanine and the sedan). The officer points to the sticker with his pen and says, “Did you vote for the President this election?” I nod yes. Then he says, “That just saved you a ticket, little lady.” The officer decided that perhaps this was just a “little fender-bender” (told you it was a direct quote!) and that I have learned my lesson. No ticket for the Glitz! Thank you, Mr. President!

So who was this other driver? I don’t know his name…but he tells me as he is leaving that he is an undercover FBI agent. So yup. I had a run in with the FBI at the ripe age of 21. Apparently, I look like a threat and my “actions” suggested sabotage – you know us glitter-heads are the ones you have to watch out for!  I can only assume he was trying to bust a drug cartel of sorts, I mean after all, we were in Green Country and there seems to be a bit of a meth problem cooking (pun intended). I honestly don’t know what his mission was, who he was, or anything…and I would like to keep it that way; I don’t want my own satellite.  I hope you have enjoyed this Flashback Friday Edition of The Chronicles of Glitz…as you are seeing (because surely by now you have officially signed up to follow this blog, hint hint), my life is always an adventure and I prefer to keep it as such.

…wait for it…

Make today sparkle, darlings!

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2 thoughts on “Glitz’s Run-In with the FBI

  1. Damn right you wanted yo mama 🙂 I shall never, ever forget you telling me of your adventure on that day – it’s like it happened yesterday 🙂 Thanks for the memories.

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